Modifications to end nanny-car harassment, nagging & beeping annoyances?

[Cdrive]

I've had my 2023 premium awd for 3 months now and I'm about done. The obnoxious cacophony makes driving a headache, instead of a smooth and enjoyable experience this has been a major letdown. Who needs all this harassment? Please share if you have modifications to stop any of the following:

1) Disable startup sounds - I unlock the car, sit in the seat and press start button. Dun-dah-dum x3. Yes, I put my seat belt low and tight across the waist.
2) Deactivate Reverse Beeping: Turn the nob to reverse, and beeps commence. I usually leave my garage early and it is annoying to our neighbors.
3) Adjust Collision Warning Sensitivity: City driving, approaching a stoplight, and while braking the collision warning beeps, slams on brake, and jerks me forward. False alarm!
4) Customize Bluecruise Alerts: get on highway, Bluecruise on *beep. I look to the car on my left *warning. Approach a turn on the highway where bluecruise is not yet programmed to work and auto-cancelled *beep. Oh, the car can change lanes for me? *ding* Etc, you get the picture.
5) Disable Front Camera Warnings: Pull into parking spot, front camera activates, and cacophony commences before nearing the curb/wall/parking sign, as if I'm going to plow right into it.
6) Silence post drive warnings and reminders: I park, and turn off the car. A grovely jingle tells reminds me that I turned off the MachE and successfully completed another drive from point A to B.
7) PAAK double honk: Sometimes when I don't have the keyfob with me, the car will give a quick double horn honk to further annoy me.
8) Warning. Did I leave any babies in the back seat?
9) Warning. Should the car put sensors on or off? I honestly haven't figured out what these parked car sensors are, I just know that they are not as functional as the Tesla Sentry Mode.

The barrage of beeps and warnings get in the way and make driving a chore. Instead of trusting us to drive responsibly, ford bombards us with irritating nonsense, making you question the car's true value. We want a car, not a backseat driver that won't shut up!
Please reply only with solutions you may have, i.e. "Just don't use the features" is not the type of work-around I'm looking for here, folks. I'll also be visiting the dealer service center to see what they can do.

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[Ghost Ryder]

#4,6,8,9 can be turned off in the setting menu. You're stuck with the rest. Unless you want to cut wires to speakers and horn.

 

[generaltso]

#4,6,8,9 can be turned off in the setting menu. You're stuck with the rest. Unless you want to cut wires to speakers and horn.

Not really. But some of the others may take a little more work with FORScan.

 

[thekat03]

It could be worse. Toyota really loves putting in a myriad of beeps for everything. I don't mind the beeps as much (coming from Toyota, I am really used to them), but soft chirps or dings would be far nicer than loud honks.

 

[JJR]

I used Forscan to stop the double honk when closing the door when the vehicle is on. You can get it free for a two month trial. It's $12 for a one year license.
If you're computer savvy it's fairly easy.
If not, maybe you have a friend who is.

 

[GreaseMonkey]

It could be worse. Toyota really loves putting in a myriad of beeps for everything. I don't mind the beeps as much (coming from Toyota, I am really used to them), but soft chirps or dings would be far nicer than loud honks.

As a former Prius owner myself, can certainly relate. I love the sounds that my MME makes. Certainly not worth ditching the car for ??‍

 

[portlandg]

I used Forscan to stop the double honk when closing the door when the vehicle is on. You can get it free for a two month trial. It's $12 for a one year license.
If you're computer savvy it's fairly easy.
If not, maybe you have a friend who is.

Or you could just leave the key in the car. It works for me

 

[RickMachE]

In that whole tirade about things, not a single mention of "I've read the manual". Have of it wouldn't need to be posted.

 

[Vulnox]

As noted you can turn some of them off, some of the others are either driver related or a vehicle issue, like your claim that the vehicle slams on the brake and gives a collision warning if you are braking like a normal adult to a stop. I have had our MME for almost a year, and two F-150s with the same collision system, and have never once had that happen when approaching a light and braking. In fact if you are braking, even lightly, it shouldn't sound the collision alert.

I have had the collision alert go off when someone is turning right and I am approaching still and don't hit the brake, because I know they are going to complete their turn well ahead of time. But if it's happening enough while you are braking and approaching a light, either your driving habits are aggressive (like braking last second) or there is a problem with the car. I am in no way passing judgement in either regard, just highlighting for you that something is off either in your description or one of the above.

The reverse beeping I suspect is only annoying your neighbors in your head. Our bedroom is basically right above (pushed back a bit) from our garage, and my wife leaves in the MME every morning around 7am, and I can only even hear the beeping despite being as close to it as possible while still being in a house if it is dead silent and I am paying close attention. That sound is not waking anyone from a dead sleep unless your homes are right on top of each other and they sleep with the windows open or something. If you are super worried about that, is it possible to back into your garage/parking space when you get home, then just drive forward when leaving in the morning?

While some of the alerts may seem obnoxious, that reverse beep is pretty important. Kids, vision impaired, momentarily inattentive people (I know I know, they should just get hit by a 2 ton vehicle for having a moment of distraction, damn them!), or even someone paying attention but walking in a parking lot and your car is obscured by a larger vehicle, all benefit from hearing that you are coming in a way that normally just a running engine would provide. Disabling that is just scummy.

 

[Benny’66]

In that whole tirade about things, not a single mention of "I've read the manual". Have of it wouldn't need to be posted.

Read the manual? That’s crazy talk. Even sitting in the car and paging through a few screens on that gigantic tablet thing-a-ma-bob would solve a few as well. I must have turned most of that off so long ago I don’t even remember half of the sounds the OP mentioned.
And #3 sounds like operator error. Of course safety systems aren’t designed (or maybe are) for aggressive drivers.

 

[Guss-E 2021]

I'm sorry you are so annoyed. What sounds like a symphony to some might sound like thrasher punk to another (nothing wrong with either by the way).

Sheeba is definitely a nervous Nellie. I actually find it amusing (and even a bit reassuring). But then that is just how my brain is wired.

 

[Hammered]

Eye nanny gets disabled by turning off blue cruise to be hands only (forscan), and hands only has its fix. Other points covered.

 

[RyanSD]

#2 and #7 can be disabled using FORScan (additionally #2 requires you to pull a cable out of the IPMA module in the trunk area).

 

[Cdrive]

If there are users in Northern IL who are adept at this "FORScan" program they speak of, please DM as it seems like a great solution to some of this!

Recapping the folks who so badly need to be heard, so far:
- brake like a normal adult
- change your behaviour to adapt to the vehicle
- just don't use the features
- read the owner's manual [btw, yes #8 is in the manual but couldn't find other solutions there]
- drivers without reverse beeping are "scummy".
These opinions have been so valued.

Really though, if you're good with the foreskin software please let me know.

 

[DevSecOps]

If there are users in Northern IL who are adept at this "FORScan" program they speak of, please DM as it seems like a great solution to some of this!

Recapping the folks who so badly need to be heard, so far:
- brake like a normal adult
- change your behaviour to adapt to the vehicle
- just don't use the features
- read the owner's manual [btw, yes #8 is in the manual but couldn't find other solutions there]
- drivers without reverse beeping are "scummy".
These opinions have been so valued.

Really though, if you're good with the foreskin software please let me know.

You very accurately described a large majority here. Personally, I hope you get all your mods and if you lived anywhere remotely near me I would have loved to help.

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